--------------------------------------------------------------------- My personal favourite... "When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." - Whinnie-the-Pooh --------------------------------------------------------------------- When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not like his passengers. --------------------------------------------------------------------- "So I shot him. Then I shot him again. Then, to be safe, I shot him one last time. Then I shot him once more." --Richard Nixon, Inaugural Speech, 1972 --------------------------------------------------------------------- Ah yes, platform wars. These have kept me amused for years over several newsgroups. This is just one reply that appealed to me... Subject: Re: Why prolong the agony? Just get Windows 95 Date: 1 Dec 1995 16:06:31 GMT ... This posting is just too stupid to say anything else than _ |_| | | _ _|=|_ | | | | |\ |- - - -| | \ | \_______/ SHUT UP! Please stop posting such foolish news and go back to elementary school! I like a discussion about advantages and disadvatages of several operating systems, but on a higher level please. Thank you BTW: OS/2 is still better than Windoze 95 --------------------------------------------------------------------- A K I R A _______ ,--. _____ (_____ ( \ |_ (_____)___ __/ / (__ _) _ . __,-' ) Y / ,-' `-'_. -/ _ ,' / ;' <_--\ \' (__,-'/ ,' /_/ \ \ /,' / \_\ / --------------------------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: alt.cracks,alt.binaries.games,alt.binaries.warez.ibm-pc Subject: Re: REQ: Norton Antivirus 95 (Full or update version) - disk1.zip (00/33) Date: Wed, 20 Dec 1995 07:59:45 GMT Dear: [x] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] AOLer [ ] Me too er [ ] Pervert [x] Geek [ ] Spammer [x] Nerd [ ] Elvis [ ] Fed [ ] Freak [ ] Scientologist You Are Being Flamed Because: [x] You posted warez in pieces LESS than 5000 lines [ ] You posted something asking for warez sites [ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply [ ] You continued a long, stupid thread [ ] You started an off-topic thread [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message [ ] You said "me too" to something [x] You suck [ ] You brag about things that never happened [ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks [ ] You made up slang then used it in a message [ ] You posted a phone-sex ad [ ] I don't like your tone of voice [ ] I think you might be a fed To Repent, You Must: [ ] Be the PR guy for Canter & Siegel [ ] Give up your AOL account [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it [x] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor [x] Actually post something relevant [ ] Read the FAQ [ ] Be Senator Exon's love slave [ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month In Closing, I'd Like to Say: [x] Blow me [ ] Get a life [ ] Never post again [ ] I pity your dog [ ] Go to hell [ ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc... [ ] Take your shit somewhere else [ ] Learn to post or fuck off [ ] All of the above end flame --------------------------------------------------------------------- Keeping in mind here that this post was 2 years ago when 133s were the bee's knees so to speak... Newsgroups: alt.cracks,alt.binaries.games,alt.winsock,alt.binaries.multimedia Subject: Re: Can I speed up my Pentium 133? Date: Sun, 24 Dec 1995 01:56:27 GMT >: >Is there a way to speed up my Pentium 133. I've heard there are few >: >tricks to it. Thanx anyway! >: >-Somerset >: >: Yes. Put it in a faster car. Even my xt goes faster than a 486 when I do >: this. >Best way to accelerate an Intel-based PC is 9.8m/sec^2 --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Sir, I am sitting in the smallest room in the house. I have your letter before me. Soon it will be behind me." - Voltaire responds to a critic. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: rec.games.programmer Subject: Re: missile guidance system Date: 18 Apr 1997 22:10:38 GMT The name of the thread reminds me of 'the worlds last bug'. while(TRUE) { if(read_radar() = UNDER_ATTACK) { fire_missiles(); } } --------------------------------------------------------------------- Late one morning and bright one night, two dead men came out to fight, Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot one another, The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came to kill those two dead boys, If you don't believe my lie is true, ask the blind man, she saw it too... --------------------------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: rec.arts.manga,alt.manga Subject: Hentai doujinshi - where to buy? Date: Wed, 20 Nov 1996 05:02:06 GMT During my stay in Tokyo, uh... my friend, yes. that's right. My friend asked me to find some hentai doujinshi, featuring some of the female characters from AH! My Goddess, Sailor Moon, or perhaps Marmalade Boy. Can anyone think of someplace I could go to find such things? I.. uh... I mean my friend would be grateful. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ,-~~-.___. / | ' \ ( ) 0 \_/-, ,----' ==== // / \-'~; /~~~(O) / __/~| / | =( _____| (_________| --------------------------------------------------------------------- Newsgroups: comp.graphics.algorithms Subject: Re: Asteroids Date: Sat, 29 Mar 1997 11:48:38 -0500 In article <333D31DB.314D@mailbox.swipnet.se>, martin.hellgren@mailbox.swipnet.se says... > Please ! > > I need an example of how to make a spaceship writen in C. > > Thank you all. > > Martin > CC CCC CCC CCCCCCC CCCCCCCC CCCCCCCC CC C CCC CCC c c c CC C CC c c c c c c CC CC C CCC CCC CCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC C C C C C C --------------------------------------------------------------------- I found this a few years ago in the New Scientist magazine. I'd put it as about a 4th-5th form problem (age 14-15) for a good science class. Source: FEEDBACK, New Scientist 27 May 1995, pg64 Two students attending a beginners' course in computing at Pace University in New York thought that the work their teacher was giving them was too hard, so they did the obvious thing: they sued the university. According to The Wall Street Journal, the teacher had given them a homework assignment that involved calculating the price of an atom of aluminium on a given Friday. They were asked to use such information as the price of aluminium on Wednesday, the percentage change between the prices of the metal on Wednesday and Friday, the atomic mass of aluminium, the value of the Avogadro number (6.02x10^23), and so on. The students represented themselves in their legal action against the university, and asked the teacher such questions as: "Do you think this was a good choice for a beginners class?". The judge found in their favour, saying: "Students are consumers. There is nothing holy or sacred about educational institutes." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can. --------------------------------------------------------------------- If I just flamed you, and you are thinking 'What a jerk', be glad I'm not as bad as my friend John. He gets his kicks by wrenching the wings off of live rabbits. Ah HA! You didn't know rabbits had wings, did you? And of course they dont, until John has hammered them into their backs with six inch nails. A rather simple-minded hobby, but it keeps him amused. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I am Borg, Egg, Sausage and Borg. You will be spammed. --------------------------------------------------------------------- In an article in alt.geek al300@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Dana Echtner) writes: I just *have* to post this..... I do some volunteer work for the FreeNet here, right? And I was sitting in the office answering the phone. (The support line) I was going through the usual "You forgot your password? Well I can change it for you" thing when this man calls. I think the best way to tell this is to just type out the conversation... me (dana): Good afternoon, National Capital Freenet! man: Hello. My name is Tanner, and I'm having trouble getting to Freenet. d: Okay, what kind of trouble? m: Well, it's always busy, and when I get through nothing happens. d: Yes, it's usually busy because we have 19 000 registered users and 98 phonelines. But when you do connect, do you hit your return key 5 times? You need to do that to connect properly. m: No. d: Yes, well try doing that. It should work. m: My telephone doesn't have a return key you know! d: What number are you calling? m: 564-3600 [Note: this *is* the correct modem number] d: With your telephone? m: Yes. d: Errr....it won't work, you need a computer to do that.... m: For christ's sake!!!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Neurotic (n.) : One who builds castles in the air. Psychotic (n.) : One who lives in them. Psychiatrist (n.) : The one who collects the rent. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ... He who dies with the most toys, still dies. ---------------------------------------------------------------------